So what are us single girls looking forward to for the new year? Well myself, I am just hoping to finish graduate school in a timely and economical manner (August is looking fairly promising at this point) and moving to where ever a company/job will find me beyond amazing and simply cannot live without my talent, intelligence, and general Goddessial presence. Here's to fingers crossed for that to happen. However, as always, I must explore the domain of this single girl's life experiences of anything and all that deals with singledom.
I digress away from my mission for today's blog. I recently read an article that examined 25 secrets girls wish guys knew. Since it's a new year, why leave the guys in the dark any longer? Here you go guys, a list of things we wish you knew and we hope you'll put to use once and awhile. But a disclaimer: this is not intended to be a comprehensive nor an even nearly complete list. The parties involved in writing this list shall not be held responsible for any or all "secrets" not fully divulged at this time. Tis the female way. (My additions to what the article said are in italic)
1. Please listen to me. Not because what I'm about to say will rock your world, but because listening is a sign of respect that rocks my world. Don't worry, we still won't listen to you since it is the female of the species' way, but we really, really appreciated you trying to make a point about something.
2. Women speak a different dialect than men. For example, "I'm fine" means "I'm so not fine," just as "No dessert for me" means "I'll be polishing off yours." Not much in the way of further comment is needed here. Every guy should darn well know that the infamous "I'm fine" line really means "I. Am. Pissed."
3. Remember, PMS stands for "physical and mental stress." So let me cry freely, behave irrationally, and eat your dessert. My mood swings are hormonal, not personal. PMS is God's punishment to guys for just simply doing things the "guy" way. We have to instill the fear in you somehow and every guy knows that PMS with the added "I'm fine" line means you're sleeping on the couch for the next 4 days.
4. Manicures and pedicures are a woman's gift to her man. I love looking pretty for you. The time to worry is when I stop going for them. It's the same thing when we get a sexy new pair of heels, go get our hair done, and take two hours to get ready for dinner to Chili's. We love looking amazing for you, so just go with it (and see #5). And yeah, if we stop shaving our legs, time to start worrying as well.
5. Always tell me when I look hot; never tell me when I don't. And don't forget: I need 20 compliments to offset one thoughtless remark. We don't enure hours of getting our nails and hair did, picking out the right shoes, picking out the right outfit just because it's fun... ok, actually it is a lot of fun to put the time into looking amazing, but that's not the point. As a single girl, I don't try super often (ok, only once and awhile to remind myself that I can clean up fairly well) to get sexified because I don't have anyone to tell me how hot I am nor anyone to appreciate the time I took just to be "that hot thang" on their arm when we go out. So if you have a fabulous lady in your life, guys, please take the time to tell her how amazing she looks.
6. I remember the shirt you were wearing when you first said, "I love you." The fact that you don't makes me question whether you meant it. I also remember it being on my floor... but I just remember these things. I'm very observant.
7. I loved you long before I told you. Playing the long game is in a woman's DNA. We don't throw a Hail Mary in the first quarter. (And you thought we didn't know football.) I will never tell a guy the "L" word before they do. Like football, it should be a guy thing... they like being manly like that.
8. Of course you're the best lover I've ever had. All others cease to exist when I fall in love. Minus that Costa Rican pool boy...
9. I'll never tell you my true number. Never, never, never! Besides, see Secret 8. Mums the word.
10. I read your horoscope every day. Don't think of it as stalking... think of it as intensive and thorough research.
11. I secretly delight when the maitre d' slips up and calls us Mr. and Mrs. Wait, do I look that old?
12. Spontaneously kiss my neck from behind, and I might let you stay back there for a while. No comment on this one other than guys try it some time and see what happens.
13. Yes, my girlfriend knows what we did last night. We share everything, including that. We know you guys do it too, so don't even act like we're the only ones. Think of it as a way for me to brag about you and make my girlfriend wish her man was as amazing.
14. Make me laugh and I'm happy. Laugh at yourself and I'm all yours. Being able to laugh in all capacities is a super turn-on. If you can't laugh and have a sense of humor about things, then I'm pretty sure you can keep walking.
15. A little jealousy is good if (a) no kneecaps are broken and (b) you don't cross-examine me to exhaustion. The right balance shows you care, and it's even flattering. We love our guys to turn a little jealous about why we weren't with them or who we were with. Its true, it shows you care. However, start turning into a complete DB, then once again, you can keep on walking.
16. I don't withhold sex to punish you. Sometimes I just need to be left alone but, at the same time, not left alone. And no, I can't explain that. Yeah... what they said. There is no explaining this one kids. It is just a fact of the female of the species that you guys must accept. Go pick up some Ben & Jerry's and we'll come around - that's my only tip for dealing with me (hint hint, wink wink)
17. I can, will, and do fake it. Like when Gossip Girl is starting. Would you rather I fake a headache? We do because we can. We are the females. Hear us roar... a fake roar... but a roar nonetheless.
18. I love sex. With or without you, as Bono might say. My mind is filthier than you might think. Again no comment here... my mom reads these things, gesh.
19. You are irresistible: freshly showered, doing something sporty or strenuous, smiling, charming the old lady from the third floor, suited, reading the business section, DIY-ing… Yup, all of the above. No. Doubt.
20. "Do you want flowers?" kills the romantic gesture. Don't ask, just do. Seriously? You think asking is acceptable? Clearly you did not get the romantic gene. Guys listen closely: Girls watch chick flicks for a reason - the guys in them do all the things we wish you'd do and we live vicariously through the girls in the film. We are well aware that it is only a movie, but 99% of girls are hopeless romantics due to growing up with Disney princesses (guilty as charged over here) and would just love if you'd try once and awhile to take a tip or two from these movies. You don't have to be fake about it or make it a super big deal. But surprise us once and awhile and I can guarantee that we will be yours. My two favorite tip for guys: 1. Do what you mean and mean what you say. Saves a lot of pain on the girl's end in the long run. 2. Do or do not. There is no try. Yes, I am fully aware that this came for a little green dude from a far away galaxy, but clearly Yoda knew how to appease the ladies. There is nothing more frustrating than a guy who won't do anything or half-asses everything. In my eyes, if you really wanted to, you would... by not doing or "trying", it smells more like you don't care at all.
21. I'll probably be late—because I'm preening for you. At least that's how I reason. My reasoning skills are phenomenal! If confused about this at all... please refer back to numbers 4 & 5
22. If you cheat, I may not break up with you. But you'll wish I had. We are females. We know how to make your life completely miserable. Think of this as a fair warning that we can keep PMS going 24/7/365.
23. I once kissed a girl and liked the taste of her cherry ChapStick. No, I didn't. That's your fantasy. Sincerely sorry. Yeah sorry... not going to happen.
24. Here's how to fix what you're doing wrong in bed: When you go slow, go slower. When you go fast, go faster. What they said.
25. I feel lucky to have you, and I hope you feel the same. You can't have it all unless you have someone to share it with. Again, this brings in the whole hopeless romantic thing in #20. I will always realize how lucky I am to have you in my life and will stay loyal to you until there is an end.... it's just part of the DNA.
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