Myths of Singledom

I came across an article yesterday that discusses the top 10 myths about single people.  I'm glad that we are so well renowned that we have to have myths about us.  That probably just means that we just get talked about a lot by our grandmothers who just can't discuss anything else but their single grandchildren over coffee and canasta with their fellow church ladies.  On a regular basis my grandmother asks if there are any "gentleman" in my life and I quickly respond with "no gentlemen, but I have a few boys following me around".  Not sure she gets the joke.
  Any-hoo, here is the list and my take on the myths... what I agree with and what I would like to go ahead and disagree with.

1. If you are single, you are interested in just one thing: getting coupled.

Getting "coupled" isn't my only interest.  I also like wine, sunny days, and walks on the beach.  However, it would be much better if I had someone to also enjoy those things with.  Of course us single gals would love to be paired off.  It's something we have dreamed about since the first time we watched our first Disney Princess get rescued and marry the uber handsome prince.  I think this myth is confusing "interested in" and "needing" to be in a relationship.  I don't need to be in a relationship, but I would really like to have someone in my life.  I have learned to enjoy being single.  For example, I save a ton of cash and stress not having to buy presents for Christmas, his birthday, his mother's birthday, and that black hole of death of a "holiday" known as Valentine's Day (aka Single's Awareness Day).  However, there are those moments when all I want is for someone to hold my hand, let me snuggle up into their shoulder while we watch a movie, and tell me I'm one hell of a gal.  Is that so wrong?  So no, I'm not only interested in "getting coupled", I'm just a wee bit curious as to what it is like.

2. There is a dark aura around people who are single.

I don't go with a dark aura as much as I go with a "dark black hole of misery and self-loathing".  Of course us single people are "miserable and lonely" from time to time, but who isn't?  I'm pretty sure there are plenty of married people who would agree with me when I say they live in a black hole of death.  With that said though, how can us single people not be enveloped by a dark aura?  Look at all the happy ending chick flicks and all of our happily paired off friends who have sun shining out of every fiber of their being because the are sooo in love (not that I'm not happy for them, but sometimes a single gal can only take so much happiness before she throws up a little bit).  Not to mention all the times people bring up "oh, you just haven't found the one" or "it'll happen when you least expect it".  Every time those two phrases are uttered I swear it's a curse and my dark aura gets a little bit bigger.

3. If you get married, you will be healthier and you will live longer.

I will also be healthier and live longer if I laid off the Ben & Jerry's and lord knows I eat plenty of that as a single person.  So will I really be healthier in the long run?  Who knows, but I do know people tend to start developing gray hairs after they get married, so maybe this one isn't too far fetch.  Hmm....

4. If you are single, everything is always about you.

Essentially this myth is saying that you are self-centered and immature while it's the married people who are helping others and maintaining communities.  Yes, you married people are helping me obtain a migraine while you're little rug rats scream up and down the aisles of Wegmans and you are maintaining the surplus population in this world... let me thank you for that.  Of course I'm a little bit self-centered, I'm the only one I have to worry about ergo the focus is placed upon myself in the long run.  Immature?  Now that's a little bit harsh.

5. A group of myths aimed at demeaning you no matter what you do.

These myths include: your work won't love you back, your eggs are going to dry up, you aren't "getting any" you poor thing, or you are promiscuous you slut.  My responses: I don't love my work so I don't care if it loves me back; I have plenty of eggs to go around and if I don't, I'll grow my kid in a petri dish; No, I'm not "getting any" but don't worry, at least I don't have a VD; I'm not promiscuous, I'm just following in the footsteps of the ladies from Sex and the City and they make sleeping around classy and chic.

6. There are two kinds of single guys: the man-whores or the gays

I'm pretty sure every single woman out there agrees with this myth.... which essentially makes it a non-myth and ergo a fact.  Ask any single girl, and she will say that the only guys who are out there who are single are immature, class-less, horn-dogs who want nothing but a girl with a great butt and chest or they are gayer than a May-pole.  All the good ones are taken in our eyes which greatly reduces our chances of finding a stand-up, great guy.

7. Talks about single-parents and how their kids are doomed.  I don't have a children, other than the four-legged variety, so luckily there is no way I can mess any child up.  But lets be honest, kids can be just as doomed with two parents in the house so this is definitely a myth.

8. The Pity Myth: single people are to be pitied because they are incomplete with no life

We don't need you feeling sorry for us, we just need you to be as frustrated and bewildered that someone as awesome, funny, smart, and really really ridiculously good-looking individuals such as us are single.  We obviously have lives, we are breathing after all aren't we?  We all have jobs, we all have friends, we all have hobbies, so it's not that we don't have lives, it's just that we happen to be super single.  Speaking for myself, it's not that I'm incomplete, but there is something to be said for having that feeling like something is missing and life might be a touch better if there was someone I could share it with.

9. You will grow old alone, and you will die in a room by yourself where no one will find you for weeks

Isn't that a lovely future to look forward to?  It's not far off from my vision of me sitting on a porch in a rocking chair with a shot-gun across my lap surrounded by my 20 cats yelling at those damn kids to stay off my lawn.  However, I do have an alternate vision for myself that involves some hot young cabana boy serving me drinks while I watch him clean my pool... see, I won't die alone.

10. Family values myth. It says: Let's give all the perks, benefits, gifts, and cash to couples and call it family values.

This isn't so much about being a single person as it relates to the rights of those who aren't considered a "family".  For example, if I die alone as an old woman, my social security benefits go back into the system whereas those who are married under the current government definition, the spouse gets the benefits.  Another example, you get breaks on car insurance, health insurance, etc. when you are "married".  However, again by the current definition, there is only a certain portion of the population who gets these benefits.  So does it pay to be a single person? Not really, so perhaps I shall just find some poor unsuspecting guy, marry him, and get all the benefits I want/need just because I fit into the definition of "marriage".  It doesn't matter I don't love him or only let him into my house because he could cook and brought me my nightly glass of wine.  It makes so much sense that I can technically do that and get away with it, yet those individuals who have loved each other for years and years and are faithful to each other because they don't fall under the definition of marriage.... have to love the irony of love.